the longest distance in the world

sometimes i seemed to be not doing what my heart says.

so much about my love for korea and i actually rejected the opportunity to go on a cheap korea trip this holiday with great companions. what the hell was i thinking!

was it because of the coming overseas trip i have? or the H1N1 in Korea? or the principle that i shouldnt be going back to somewhere where I have spent almost half a year just 5 months ago?

i really don't know. it could also be the plans i have for myself this holiday. the plans to be realised in singapore.

meanwhile, im not exactly enthusiastic about this coming trip but i don't know why i have the inability to reject. i know this inability is going to be costly. is it the people? or the flu? or the fact that I havent secure a job to feed myself this holiday? will my parents approve of this trip in the current flu situation? i wouldnt want them to worry about me.

i was the one who initiated this trip months ago. perhaps thats why i feel that I cannot and should not back out. or because their enthusiasm is overwhelming. I don't really dread this trip, because I know the company is as good. Perhaps its the financial insecurity before I get any job. Perhaps once my parents give the green light, I will feel more at ease.

My mind is in a whirl. If I go, I'll be missing one charcoal drawing class and a korean class, that is if I also sign up for the latter. charcoal class is confirmed. and i really want to go for the korean class actually.

all of a sudden i feel that the trip is unnecessary. see, the cycle repeats.



if i were to travel once this holiday, why didn't i choose Korea over Melbourne?
if i actually felt a sense of relief when I know the trip is cancelled, does it mean that I shdnt go?
in the first place, do i really need to travel this holiday?


i read from somewhere, the longest distance in the world is the one from your heart to the mind. Now I know, its so very true. and lil' did i know that i actually come from the paranoid community, being overly worried about the H1N1. It worries me more than SARS. I don't want anyone to worry about me.

However, from past experiences, unexpected chemistry and friendships blossoms from the most unwilling act. it may sound ridiculous but it always happen to me. Sometimes when i bring along a negative attitude to begin an activity, I'll end up being thankful that i attended, otherwise I'd not have learnt .../ not know this friend.../ never be.../ so on and so forth.


and those lessons made me want to try everything new, and in this case, new traveling companions. Really, they are not the reason why Im thinking so much about this trip. I think its the money. and the damn flu.


im beginning to sound incoherent. My head is spinning!