what if I fail this semester

I used to think that the odds are low, almost impossible. I am not a straight A student, but I am not struggling to pass either.

However this time round, my instinct tells me that things are not going my way anymore. The chances of failing is high. I'm very worried, really.

I probably left Maria the impression that I'm the kind of student who don't listen to the tutor's comments and yet cant do anything better than what they suggested.

The assumption was not based on my hallucination. It was what I concluded after she asked me, "Yuting, are you the kind who follows exactly what the tutor said, or the kind who doesn't do exactly what the tutor says?"

Before I could answer her that I'm a mixture of both, following what the tutor say whenever possible and necessary while having my own inputs for my design, she cuts me off with, "okay why not this time just take a risk. Listen to me. Just do what I said."

I didnt feel misunderstood. I just couldnt understand why I jitter every time I discuss my design with her. I was never one who couldnt explain myself. Presentation is my forte, though the content is not always brilliant. Why cant I speak up these days? Do I feel inferior when I speak in english to a Mexican like her? Perhaps.

Perhaps I wasn't sure of what to say because I wasn't sure of what I was designing this time. Its the most important semester and I'm going to screw it up. Or am I not?


"... and you are taking the risk of failing this whole semester because you are doing conceptual stuffs and this is not the semester to be conceptual."



Ouch.. that hurts.



Then again, at the end of the session, she complimented my work in front of the studio, saying that I had very beautiful spaces for my design and gave me the green light to proceed. I hope that was not another superficial encouragement. Seriously, I'm lost in her words. She is so good at talking that I told my mum, my tutor can turn shit into gold with her words.


Interim Crit next Monday. Whatever will be, will be!
GOGOFIGHTING, STUDIO EIGHT!